Started work on the visualisation brief yesterday and am hoping to finish it today. 
Initially I thought of perhaps basing my outcome off of the animation I had just made, but honestly I was so disappointed in the previous outcome that I wanted to leave it behind a bit. Instead, I returned to one of the ideas I explored in the Scale project: childish hopes and dreams packaged as cake and sweets. I really liked the initial idea in the Scale project but hadn’t really explored it fully so there was room for more work. 
My first idea then was to work in the billboard format, but then after my Titchner research, I was struck by what he said about how outdoor advertising such as billboards is less relevant in the current times. Instead, I began to think about how, as a product, these “dream cakes” could be sold, and my mind naturally went to takeaway apps such as Just Eat and Uber Eats. From there, I started working on a fake page for the business. 
I used stock photos of recognisable brands/products such as Ben and Jerry’s and Kipling’s French Fancies, and collaged them together in Procreate. Honestly the result isn’t wholly convincing, and my edit of the tub of Ben and Jerry’s is particularly bad. Given different circumstances, I would probably have held my own product shoot, but I didn’t want to go out just for these products given the short amount of time I had to undertake the project, and also the lighting is bad because of the weather. 
Tonight I’m planning to finish the product descriptions. My aim through this part of the project is to satirise the practice of encouraging children to “follow their dreams.” In my opinion, this kind of sets you up for failure, since most adults simply don’t end up following the dreams they had as a kid. Most of the time, it’s just a pipe dream. 

Finished the animation today. I’m not 100% satisfied because I think there needs to be a greater variety of shots in the scenes where it’s just Grandpa talking. I ended up using the same sequence of mouth movements, because matching each movement to each word was very time-consuming, and I’ll admit it gets repetitive. I wonder if I should cut some of the audio in order to make a shorter video which doesn’t drag on so much.

Otherwise, I’m really happy with the scenes I made, and the characters. They look so much better on paper.

I’ve finished the animation that I said I was going to do during Easter.
I’m not completely happy with it so I wonder if I should redo/cut out parts of it that are a bit boring? Parts of it are quite repetitive, when it’s just the main character talking, without any cut-away scenes. I could create more footage, camera angles etc. I don’t know if you think that’s worth my time, or if o should move on to the next part of the project.

I started animating yesterday, and after some thought, I’ve decided I need to rethink my process. I’m happy with my storyboard, so I think it’s the animating style that’s the problem. The digital animation looks really flat, almost cheap. I think I should go back to stop-motion animation with paper. I can print the photo of the cupcake at my grandparent’s house. I have loads of coloured paper left over from previous projects so hopefully that won’t be a problem. 
I’ve already invested time into this project so I think it’s worth the effort to create something I’m actually proud of. 

Well I’m not managing to stick to the schedule. This project might take longer than I thought but I want to make a good outcome, because I have high hopes for this project. 
I’ve now finished designing my main character, the grandpa. Next, I need to design the Nan character, and perhaps the parents. These will hopefully take less time as I’ve created a basis for my characters. 
I was having difficulty at first merging the digital drawing with the cupcake photograph, because they just seemed too separate (as you can see in the initial character designs). So I messaged my friend to ask her what she thought. She suggested drawing on top of the cupcake to merge them. So I created an outfit for Grandad, bearing in mind that mostly only the face will be animated, perhaps the arms, but they are simple lines. So the complexity of the clothing hopefully isn’t going to make animating any more difficult. 
Once I’ve finished these character designs, I can start storyboarding. I want to be more ambitious with the amount of movement in this animation, than I have in previous ones. Since I’ll be working digitally, I don’t have to worry about lack of supplies, and hopefully I’ll be able to work faster. My only concern is that since I’ll probably be working in Procreate, there’s a limit to the number of frames I can use, so I’ll probably have to break it down into smaller scenes. 

I began my work today by creating an action plan for the next week. This has provided me with a lot more motivation to get more work done. However, I don’t want to treat it as if it’s carved in stone, since I’m not sure exactly how long certain parts of the process will take me. Hopefully creating an action plan I can stick to is a skill I will perfect in the coming weeks. 
I began the process of creating my animation with the sound. This is not the order in which I have worked in the past, but I hope that it provides more structure. My last shadow animation didn’t work very well, in part because I didn’t know what it was going to sound like. I arranged the recording of my grandad telling me about his childhood, cutting out the less relevant parts (it was quite long), and adding sound effects and a music backtrack. I’m really happy with the result. I think it’s given me an idea of the mood I want to achieve, which is quite melancholy/bittersweet. 
Now that I’ve cut it up, the recording sounds a little like the archival interview recordings I listened to during our publication project. I like the idea of creating an animation that perhaps looks a little old-fashioned? Perhaps using static/grain? I’m not sure yet. 

The way my Grandad describes the train is quite whimsical. He seems to remember it through the eyes of a child. This contrasts with his very cynical view of his teaching career. I’d like to bring about a contrast between these two attitudes, perhaps through colour. 

• Shadows project was really hard, and I’ve been a bit poorly this week, so the outcome really isn’t that good. Is it worth re-doing or should I move on? It’s also incomplete as I haven’t had the opportunity to add sfx and possibly a voiceover. 

Next project 

I recorded an interview with my grandad about his childhood, and what he wanted to become, so I’m thinking I’d like to do something based off of that. Maybe a stop-motion animation describing his experience? 

The animation sucks. By camera slipped halfway through and if I might need to redo half the animation. But it’s sucks so much that I don’t know if it’s worth redoing. The figures I made kept breaking and it drove me insane. 
Because the figures kept breaking, I realised it would be a better idea to move the light around rather than the figures. I did this in the end where the figures get smaller in the distance. 

 I’ve started planning and researching for the shadows project. I don’t have any real ideas which is discouraging. I’m thinking of making characters out of sweets and cakes, but I don’t know if that’s the best idea. I decided on using a similar storyline as I did for the print book workshop a few weeks ago, only because I have no better ideas. 

• I’m a bit stuck on the ‘pie charts made out of cake idea.’ I went into it without a clear idea of the message I wanted to communicate. Initially I wanted to turn the images into posters (see the Outcomes page) but now I’m not so sure. I’ve got loads of photos of cakes cut up in various ways.
• I’m thinking of using cake and sweets as a visual language. I think it worked well in my Scale project and it’s working in the pie graph project too. It works well with the theme of childhood and nostalgia 

I’m surprisingly happy with how today’s project turned out. The pasted-on label doesn’t show up as badly as I thought it would in the photos. Initially I started with a fairly bare set up of white tablecloth, empty mugs and the box of cakes. But then I decided that it looked a bit empty and uninviting. I wanted the tea party to look friendly, warm and slightly unrealistic, because that’s how we often look back on our childhood fancies.  So I added small touches like the flowers, napkins, and tea in the mugs, and this proved to help things a lot. Once I had finished, I edited the photos to make the colours warmer and brighter, and a little dreamy. 
Perhaps my only qualm with this project would be that there isn’t a huge focus on the packaging, and the changed label in the documentation? So a viewer would necessarily realise immediately that the label has been changed. However, I made sure to include close-ups so that this would be more obvious. 

Because of the spread of COVID-19, some of the ideas I had as part of this project aren’t going to work out practically. For example, I discussed with my tutor the idea of returning each outcome to a public space, but with the possibility of being quarantined or placed in lockdown, that is becoming increasingly unfeasible. Additionally, although I luckily got some interview material last week from my grandparents, I doubt I’m going to be able to talk to many old people any time soon. So I may just have to work with what I’ve got. 
On the other hand, I started work on the Scale project, and I’ve found that encouraging. I wanted to continue the cake imagery from my poster project. I thought about making a whole table full of cupcakes, each perhaps with a different occupation on it which someone could choose to pick and eat, in order to become it. I was inspired in part by the Eat Me cakes from Alice in Wonderland. But that in turn reminded me of French fancies, and everything began to fall into place from there. I decided to redesign the packaging of French fancies as ‘Childhood Fancies’ and set up a tea party. Initially I thought about designing the full packaging and then sending it off the Panopus to get printed. Then I remembered we’re in the middle of a pandemic, so I decided against it. Then I thought about painting over the packaging of my box of French Fancies, but that didn’t work because I’m bad at painting. So I’ve decided to re-design the label and print it off tomorrow to paste it onto the box. It’ll have to do in a less-than-ideal situation.

Today, I carried out the shoot based on some of the poster layouts I drafted. I also took some different photos not using the layouts, just in case I needed them for anything. However, I’m still not sure what I want to do with my poster layouts. 

Today I began thinking about imagery to use to create the graphs we had discussed yesterday. I settled on pie charts as the first type of graph to create, and began thinking about round objects and imagery associated with childhood that could be used to replicate a pie chart. Eventually I settled on cupcakes, in particular, badly decorated cupcakes. I think there’s a sense of nostalgia in that image. So I got to making the cupcakes, and froze them ready for the shoot tomorrow. 
The challenges arose when I started planning the poster layout. I wanted to base it on a survey I distributed to friends and family the previous day, but realised that the information I got back probably wasn’t the most accurate, because the pool I took it from was too small. So then I began thinking about how I could subvert ordinary expectations of the information a pie chart conveys. For example, what if the pie chart displayed that while 99% of adults worked ordinary jobs, 1%  were dragon tamers? What if the information was very obviously inaccurate? But then, what is the message that I’m trying to convey? I want this part of the project to be aimed at adults, and to explore the idea that, even if you didn’t fulfil your childhood aspirations, you still can live a worthwhile and enjoyable life as an adult. I don’t know how to communicate this clearly through the graphs.

Today’s session was really helpful in establishing which direction I should take my project in. I had already drafted some ideas to take the project forward, listed below:

• collect stories from older people about what they wanted to be when they were younger - their earliest memory of it? Animate using materials associated with childhood? What if I used objects associated with the era when they grew up? Might be difficult to source them 
• Interview people about what they wanted to be when they were younger - how did that change? Do they regret it? Are they happy now? How did they find happiness outside of their dream? - perhaps organise the information into graphs and charts - (“studies show that 56% of children wanted to become astronauts when they were younger etc”) - 
• Interview children about what they want to become when they’re older? Animate what they describe? using play dough?

During the tutorial, we came back to the poster installation project that I had just completed, and discussed how I felt that it wasn’t as successful as it could have been, in terms of imagery and design. Then we talked about the idea I had come up with of graphing information about childhood ambitions, and how perhaps that would be transferable to a poster format. Perhaps, for example, pie charts could be made out of actual pies, and photographed? Or another object/food which is circular? I should start finding a visual language which is appropriate to the subject matter. 
I already have recordings of interviews I did with my grandparents about what they wanted to become when they were younger. It struck me how much children's ambitions have probably changed since my grandparents were young. They grew up in the aftermath of the war, and their choices, particularly my nan’s, were very limited. My Nan said that she didn’t even imagine becoming any of the things that young girls today would consider, because they were never presented as options - like becoming a scientist, or a businesswoman, etc. I wonder if this difference between the older and younger generations is something I could explore? Younger generations have so much freedom and there’s definitely a lot of optimism in that. 
I was also touched by what my grandad said about how, even though he hated his job as a teacher, he found solace in his family - my Nan and their three kids. I think this is a theme common to a lot of adults, in that even though what they grow up to be isn’t everything they had hoped for, they find comfort in their personal lives. I like the idea of creating an animation from what my grandad described, perhaps a stop-motion using the objects associated with his youth. 

The feedback I received from the crit today was generally positive, as may be expected because people find it harder to give constructive criticism I think. But one person noted that although they liked the installation, they weren’t sure what it was about. This made me think two things:

1. I wasn’t being clear enough in my sketchbook. At the moment, my sketchbook has a lot of writing in it which people find harder to follow quickly. I think I need to work more intensively in my sketchbook using a clearer visual language. I often find that I’m just not very organised with how I lay out a page, making my thinking difficult to follow.

2. the imagery of the posters wasn’t clear enough. I now regret not using a photograph as iconography, as I think the drawing of the office-worker is less instantly recognisable. It would have been better if I first found a photograph to re-appropriate, and then created the layout based off of that, instead of the other way round. I wish I had been less last-minute about the creation of the posters. I remember what one of the graphic design tutors said about the necessity of letting the viewer make the final connection, in order to be more engaging. I should have left room for the viewer, instead of being so straightforward with my imagery. 
I almost think that I didn’t need imagery at all. If I had just had lots of questions and phrases on the walls, I could have achieved the same feeling of claustrophobia and almost panic that many teenagers experience when thinking about their futures.

I think the afternoon session was quite successful, although I may pick the prints up at tutorial and find that I actually hate them. Perhaps my one worry is that the objects I chose may have been a bit random. I wanted to use objects associated with childhood play, such as craft materials, vs the currency of the adult world, but I’m not sure if that was communicated clearly.

I think I wish after having done the installation that I had had more time to print off the posters more professionally, instead of just off the printers at Kings X. I also wish that I had printed off more, because when I actually got to installing my work, I found I couldn't cover as much of the walls as I had envisioned, which meant that the result was less impactful.
The cleaner also wasn’t so happy about what we were doing, so I found myself perhaps hurrying more than I needed to, to take photos. The photos I have do the job, they show what I did, but I wish that I had taken more time to truly capture the impact and message I was trying to communicate. It would have helped also to have a proper camera, but in the rush that morning to get not only my work done, but also my two friend’s work, I couldn’t pick up a camera. 

Today I designed the posters for my installation tomorrow. Last minute, I actually decided to create 3 posters, because I thought this would create a more overwhelming and emphatic message. I used grey as a background colour because I wanted to convey the boredom which comes with doing a job someone doesn’t really want. Originally, I was thinking of using a photograph as the main iconography of the poster, but I struggled to find the right image I was looking for. So instead, I decided to make a drawing. I also hoped that the style would appeal to a teenage audience. 

In my tutorial, my tutor mentioned that teenagers are a particularly difficult group to communicate to, because they’re between adulthood and childhood. They’re still immature, often led by their emotions, but don’t want to be patronised either. 
I thought that staging my work inside the toilets at Westfields would perhaps be the most effective way of reaching them. Being alone like this allows for a moment of self reflection. People are less likely to go on their phone in a public toilet, and so are more likely to spend time looking around them, perhaps reading a poster on the door. 
The poster on the door was my initial idea, but after some discussion with a tutor, I realised I need to make it more impactful. I think perhaps I could exaggerate the impact by attaching posters not just to the door, but to the walls, behind the toilet etc, essentially covering all the surfaces so that the message is impossible to ignore. 
I was also looking at the work of a former student, who did a campaign about knife crime, and was intrigued by the visual vocabulary that she developed. She created stickers using an image that she had created from the context of her project, and I thought it was quite powerful. This inspires me to think more carefully about the imagery I use.

I hadn’t properly visited Westfields in so long that going back today felt very odd. It’s strange how my values have changed a lot, and how my idea of fun has developed. For a start, I felt quite uncomfortable being surrounded by so many people. There wasn’t such an element of fun from visiting the shops, since I avoid fast fashion most of the time. It really felt like I was crowded in by consumerist messages that I no longer agree with. 
All the same, the shopping centre is clearly still a popular spot for teenagers. 
I think one challenge I will face is that Westfields is a relatively clean, ordered space, so there’s nowhere you could, for example, leave a poster or leaflet that wouldn’t immediately be noticed. Additionally, people are generally a bit stressed out and in a rush, so they’re less likely to want to be stopped to take part in something interactive. 

Although I want to aim this part of the project at secondary school/sixth form students, I don’t want them to be the main audience for the rest of my work. I think the giving up of childhood dreams is an issue that can be approached from more than one angle. Particularly, I think it would be interesting to explore how older people reflect on the decisions they made when they were younger. 
I decided on Westfields shopping centre as the site for my installation, which I will visit tomorrow to gather some primary research. I spent a lot of time there as a younger teenager, and I know it’s also a popular place for other teenagers to hang out.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my project and the direction I want to take, I and strongly feel that my proposal doesn’t have a strong enough idea behind it. I feel that in terms of how to find happiness, I’ve already reached a conclusion (even if realising that in real life is easier said than down). I want to take a different angle on happiness and boredom with the ordinary. 
I have a few ideas:

- the pursuit of happiness - what do people do to achieve happiness? 
- dreams and aspirations - if you could be one thing, what would you be? 
- what one thing would you change about yourself/your life in order to be happy? 

I’m particularly interested in this second idea. Everybody has a childhood dream which we typically let go of as we grow up. But even during our teenage years, we have aspirations which we entertain because they are so far off. But as we grow closer to adulthood, we begin to think more practically about our lives and careers. We dream of becoming artists, writers, astronauts and explorers, and the older we get, the more clear it becomes that those career pathways are far more difficult to have success in.
This idea is quite personal to me as someone who has gone against the grain of what my parents, siblings and older people in my circles really approve of. Although most of them support my choices, I don’t think many or even perhaps any of them think that I will be truly successful. I am sure that they would have been more approving of me going into a more stable job. After all, I did well in school, why not go into business or law or medicine? This last is a question which I have considered myself more than a few times. In a way this is a kind of coming-of-age project about doing what I love, committing myself to the unknown. 
I want to explore other people’s experiences with the giving up of dreams during adolescence. What regrets do they have? How did they find fulfilment in another way? Are they glad they let go of that dream? 
In a way, this project is not so different from the project I had originally proposed. It’s still about fulfilment and self-discovery. It’s still about how the big picture and the small special parts of everyday life fit together. I don’t think becoming an artist is what will make me happy, so I want to hear how other people found happiness in spite of the dreams they lost along the way. 

Today we went for a walk in the hope of creating some work using the environment we found ourselves in. The problem was that the area is very flat, and the fields haven’t been properly planted yet, so the landscape just wasn’t that interesting. It was also freezing cold which made any drawing difficult. I at least felt really uninspired. We carried out our social rule of talking in different languages for 2 hours. At first, it was kind of funny, but by the time we had spent an hour and half walking along the empty country roads, being unable to chat, it just felt a bit boring. I think if we had been doing something a bit more active and engaging, it could have been a more interesting rule to explore, since it involves the breakdown of communication. For example, reflecting on it, we could have devised some kind of game to play together, or we could have created a collaborative work. What effect would the lack of communication had on that?

The three of us had a conversation about our futures and social pressures which has made me think more deeply about my project. We all discussed how we are pursuing what we have wanted to do in spite of what our parents and older family members/friends think is wise. I think this relates to the theme of my project in that many other young people have to give up on their childhood dreams in favour of something more practical, and that this often leads to a feeling of dissatisfaction and missing out. 
Today further impressed on me that I really need to rethink certain aspects of my project. There’s just not enough room for me to explore, I think. 
However, I would now like to conduct some interviews to provide a basis for some work. I think this would provide a solid starting point, by getting other people’s perspectives on the issue I am exploring. 

I didn’t get a lot of work done today because Aggie didn’t arrive until the afternoon, and Erica didn’t arrive until late. The afternoon was spent exploring the area and seeing what we could do outside. However, I’m worried that because of the the cold, rainy weather, we’re not going to have so much chance to make work outside. 

In the evening, me and Aggie did some sketchbook work, based off of the challenges we set each other. Mine was to work in an opposite way to what I was used to, so I tried to work in black and white, and create text-based images inspired by phrases from my diary entry of the day. I’m not really satisfied with my outcomes but I guess the experimentation is part of the process. 
Later on, when Erica arrived, we had a long conversation about justice and religion, which was interesting because we all disagreed on so many topics. 
Today definitely made me feel that I don’t have a firm idea of where to go with this project. I’m not sure what activities/experiments I should be undertaking as part of the process.